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WHEN
WOMEN DON’T SUPPORT OTHER WOMEN IN BUSINESS
Posted by Sphinxx, Sydney,
Australia on the forum: www.theswitchboards.com
-----------------------------------------------------------
I
was chatting the other day with a woman I
really admire when she asked me: “why
don’t businesswomen just support each
other more, like the blokes do?”
Now
I’m walking on eggshells a bit, because
I know this is a very subjective question.
In fact I’m probably playing with fire
even raising the topic. But since I get a
question or feedback along these lines at
least once a month, I reckon I can risk putting
a few ideas out there.
Firstly,
is it true that businesswomen don’t
support one another? In raw numbers, I’m
sure that more men recommend men than women
recommend women. But let’s look at the
whole premise of referrals: generally we’d
all be happy to refer someone that we know,
like and trust in business. Sometimes that’s
going to be a woman and sometimes it will
be a man.
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And
let’s face it: by the laws of probability,
the more senior or specialist you become in your
field the less likely you are to recommend a female
peer. Why? It’s simply a numbers game: when
only 1 in 10 top jobs are held by women, chances
are if you’re a senior woman in business you’ll
be surrounded by male peers, clients and contacts.
That means these same men will be the ones front
of mind when someone asks you the name of a good
lawyer/accountant/consultant, etc. So in order to
recommend a woman, we have to work a little bit
harder to find them and remember them in the first
place – there are so few women in senior roles
that recommending a female isn’t always the
obvious choice.
Then there’s the argument that women compete
with one another. Or in some extreme cases, women
sabotage the careers of other women. Sadly, I’ve
seen this in action. Just last week a good friend
relayed a story about a woman at her company who’s
been slandering her for no apparent reason. If you’ve
ever been on the receiving end, you’ll believe
me when I say this is quite an upsetting scenario.
So what makes someone do this? Well who knows? But
what I do know for sure is that the happy, contented
and optimistic people I know – male and female
– don’t have a need to talk down other
people. They’re too busy getting on with all
the good things in their life. So I can only assume
this woman is either unhappy, having personal difficulties
or feels an extreme need to be the centre of attention
– even if only for being obviously unsupportive
of other people around her. But on that note, I’ve
seen plenty of men exhibit similar traits in my
lifetime (and I’m sure you have too!) So perhaps
again it’s more of a numbers game –
women in business stand out more for the good and
the bad things they do.
Finally, we
all know that the squeaky wheel gets oiled …
so how would you say you compare to the men in your
world in terms of asking for support and calling
in favours? Think about it – men will put
on their “boy goggles” and ask you “if
you’ve seen” that item they were the
last to use (read: “can you find it for me
because I can’t be bothered looking?). And
nine times out of ten we’ll drop what we’re
doing without so much as a thought to locate it!
Women on the
other hand either don’t think to ask for help
(maybe we’re just used to doing it all) or
don’t want to ask for help in case someone
thinks we’re not perfect or perhaps we feel
guilty about asking. The latter is the biggest mystery
to me: the women I work with are constantly giving
of themselves – they have well and truly built
up the Brownie points to ask a favour in return,
yet seldom do. So if we’re not asking for
support and we don’t want to be seen to need
help, then should we be surprised if none is forthcoming?
Of course
I could have it all wrong. Maybe women are out to
get one another. Maybe we’d all rather see
business dominated by men and we really do go out
of our way to make sure the blokes get all the good
deals. Or maybe we’re just not giving enough
thought to how we can support one another –
in which case isn’t it time we did? |
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